none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
