the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
