my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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