so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
