when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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