I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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