i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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