she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
