so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
