don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
