Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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