dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize