Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
should my penis look like a turkey
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
