Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
