I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
