I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
