Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
