Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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