ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
