Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
