I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
