im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just forgot I was standing up.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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