I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
