This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
