Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
