im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
