Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
