Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
