You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This is classic penis vs brain.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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