in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
