tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
