...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
