its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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