I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize