I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
They are going to name an STD after you.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
