I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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