I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
