When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
