drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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