the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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