Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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