ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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