Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize