You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
