so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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