it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There's always time for handjobs
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
