Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
