the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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