I want you more than these girls want KFC
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
