And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I know her cup size but not her name....
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
