What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
