so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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