Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
