im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
