You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Everything about him screamed your future.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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