I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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