Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
