watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
