it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize