Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
