I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You ruined the universe
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
