Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
