respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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