Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
