Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
