this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
