like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
