I'm gonna have a badass scar
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
