A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
