the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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